From poignant ballads and powerful anthems to hilarious novelty numbers and rock 'em-sock 'em showstoppers, you will find plenty of songs for any concert setting in this catalog. Whether you are an ensemble of 8 or a chorus of more than 200, an Eric Lane Barnes song is just what your concert needs. All songs have been chorus-tested and audience-approved.
Many songs are coded to indicate whether they represent
HOLIDAY, HALLOWEEN, Lesbian/Gay-specific, Production number possibility and/or Choral Show.
(Some songs from choral shows may work independently of the shows for which they were written)
Just about any song is available to be re-voiced (TTBB to SATB or SSAA, etc) for a nominal fee.
Email me at ELB@ericlanebarnes.com with any questions you may have.
Click the 'Request Perusal Scores' button below to, well, request perusal scores.
Many songs are coded to indicate whether they represent
HOLIDAY, HALLOWEEN, Lesbian/Gay-specific, Production number possibility and/or Choral Show.
(Some songs from choral shows may work independently of the shows for which they were written)
Just about any song is available to be re-voiced (TTBB to SATB or SSAA, etc) for a nominal fee.
Email me at ELB@ericlanebarnes.com with any questions you may have.
Click the 'Request Perusal Scores' button below to, well, request perusal scores.
Affirmation
TTBB
Production number possibility
A group of friends get called a gay slur when out on the town one night and decide to turn it into an empowering moment. Funky, jaunty, engaging and fun. Written for The Heartaches, of The Heartland Men's Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
The Aluminum Christmas Tree
SATB, SSAA, TTBB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
7-minute mini-musical about an artificial Christmas tree that finally finds love. Sort of a cross between the Charlie Brown Christmas Special and The Velveteen Rabbit, this little piece is warm, poignant and funny.
Narrator, several soloists and costumed characters, choral backup.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Am I Welcome Here?
TTBB, SATB
HOLIDAY
Gay-specific (more 'gay overtones-specific')
Poignant ballad about walking past a church on Christmas Eve and wondering if the church is a welcoming congregation. Written for Seattle Men’s Chorus and Cincinnati Gay Men’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; cello and oboe parts available
The Angels Sing
TTBB, SATB, SSAA
HOLIDAY
A gentle choral anthem inviting angels to sing, incorporating the Latin text for the ‘Gloria.’
Piano accompaniment; cello part available
Available
TTBB, SSAA
Production number possibility
Comic rock ballad about falling in love with the absolutely wrong person.
Solo with chorus backups.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
The Ballad of Tammy Brown
SSA
A touching ballad about remembering a 7th grade friendship. Bittersweet and haunting.
From the musical revue ‘Fairy Tales.’
Alto/mezzo solo with SSA back-ups.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drums available
Behind the Carols
TTBB, SATB
HOLIDAY
Choral Show
Production number possibility
12 minute mini-musical parodying VH1’s Behind the Music. BTC chronicles the rise and fall (and rise again) of Suzy Snowflake. Songs include Winter Wedding, Crazy Suzy, Fallen Snow, The Twelve Steps of Christmas and That’s Suzy! Parts for several characters (Narrator, Suzy, Jack Frost, Rudolph) plus three bit players. Through-composed with script and underscoring. Written for Seattle Men’s Chorus and New York City Gay Men’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Bells, Bells, Bells
SSAA
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
Four different kinds of bells ring through this holiday piece. Funny, melodic and uplifting. Written for Seattle Women's Chorus.
Four soloists plus chorus; piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Bittersweet Tango
TTBB, SATB, SSA
Production number possibility
Fun, comedic tango demonstrating that chocolate is the reason for living.
Appropriate for holiday use but not holiday-specific.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Black Christmas
TTBB
HOLIDAY
Fun and uplifting gospel-style song asking the question: where are the African-American holiday characters? Short introductory script sets up the song. Requires 2-6 good African-American soloists. From the musical show ‘The Holiday Stops.’ Choral version written for Seattle Men’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Bolly Jolly Holiday
(orchestrated by David Maddux)
TTBB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
Exuberantly fun Bollywood-style song inviting the audience to dance and sing ‘the Bollywood way.’ Accompaniment track orchestrated with instruments used in actual Bollywood film soundtracks.
Track accompaniment; (authentic Indian dance highly recommended)
Boogie Woogie Hanukkah
TTBB, SATB, SSA
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
Fun, up-tempo boogie-woogie that asks the question: why do all Hanukkah songs sound so sad?
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Border Affair
TTBB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
A young man in Texas falls in love with a young man from across the border. An update of an old cowboy song with a fun twist. Baritone soloist, TBB trio and TTBB backups.
Piano or guitar accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Boys Like Me
TTB
Gay-specific
A lively round expressing while guys are all different, ‘boys like me like boys like me.’ Accompanying campfire chant/script sets up the song. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Camp Smarty.’
A cappella.
Bridesmaids
SSAA
Lesbian-specific
Production number possibility
Bridesmaids sing about how it is the right and fitting thing to do to help their college friend celebrate her wedding day by flanking her in unsightly dresses. But things are not as they seem… Set to the Pachelbel Canon in D major, ‘Bridesmaids’ is a funny send-up of wedding ceremonies.
Piano accompaniment.
The Caffeine Overload Polka
TTBB, SATB and SSAA
Production number possibility
Hyper-fast comedy song describing the lengths we go to for our coffee, and the results coffee has on us.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Carmina Ricotta
TTBB, SATB, SSAA
Production number possibility
If we all could be more like the cheeses of the world, we would learn to get along. Very tongue-in-cheek grand number that has had many audiences howling. Commissioned by Heartland Men’s Chorus, Joe Nadeau, artistic director.
Three soloists (two tenors, one baritone) plus copious chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Christmas Cheer
TTBB, SATB, SAB and 2-Part
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
Christmas is reimagined as a team, and pitted against other ‘teams’ in this rousing fight-song-inspired song.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
‘Christmas Cheer’ is published by Shawnee Press. contact your preferred music dealer for copies or visit www.shawneepress.com.
Christmas in the Cloister/Convent
TTBB and SSAA
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
A monastery (or convent) celebrates Christmas Even in 1497 with plainsong. Fun, dry and funny tongue-in-cheek number.
A cappella
Come Dance with Me
TTBB, SATB
Multi-layered up-tempo a cappella song expressing joy in singing together.
Hand percussion (shaker, conga) available
Come On Out
Gay-specific
TTBB, SATB, SSA
Short, lively number inviting everyone to come out of the closet.
Piano accompaniment
Dearly Beloved
TTBB
A dark, brooding song depicting the funeral of God. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Cirque du Slaque.’
Tenor solo with TTBB backups.
Piano accompaniment
Disclaimer
TTBB
Production number possibility
In order to keep audience members from fearing objectionable material, sing this for them first. It replaces all potentially offensive words with sound effects. Very tongue in cheek. Written for The Gay Men’s Chorus of Charlotte
Piano accompaniment with hand-held sound effects; bass and drum parts available
Don't Knock It
TTBB
Production number possibility
A jaunty minor-key song celebrating the various accomplishments of LGBT folk over the past few years. Written to be accompanied by a group of people doing 'knock-ography' on a wooden table downstage (after the style of 'Up and Over It' famous video)
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Drag Queens in the Sky
TTBB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
Fun cowboy song in the style of ‘Ghost Riders in the Sky’
Three drag queen solos with main body of the song TTBB. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Camp Smarty.’
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Der Erlkönig
SSA (with SSA trio/small ensemble)
HALLOWEEN
The Franz Schubert song takes off galloping and never lets go until the chilling end. Perfect for a Halloween show, or as part of a classics concert.
Piano accompaniment; string quartet parts available
Don’t Forget to Wear Your Rubbers
TTBB
Production number possibility
30’s movie musical number-style PSA about how to protect oneself in these trying times. Double entendres galore, yet still tasteful.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Drama Queen
TTBB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
Comedy song showing how so many of us are complete drama queens.
Various solos throughout song.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Du Bist Die Ruh'
TTBB, SATB and SSA
Simple and elegant setting of one of Franz Schubert’s sweetest songs. In German.
Piano accompaniment
Ebenezer the Miser
TTBB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
Take-off on Cab Calloway’s ‘Minnie the Moocher’ with ‘A Christmas Carol’ twist.
Solo and trio (the three ghosts) with choral backup.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drums available
Everybody Loves a Clown
TTBB
Production number possibility
What does a clown (or a group of clowns) do when they don't want to be funny any more? Baritone solo with choral backups. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Cirque du Slaque.’
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
The Feminist Carol Songbook
SSAA
HOLIDAY
Lesbian-specific/friendly
Production number possibility
A medley of new takes on holiday songs includes ‘Goddess Rest Ye Merry Women,’ ‘The Powerful Drumming Woman,’ ‘Carol the Ancient Yuletide Troll’ and ‘Women’s Winterland.’ Written for Seattle Women’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drums available
For the Straight Guys
TTBB
Gay-specific
A sweet/poignant/funny song sung directly to the straight guys in your audience.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drums available
Forgotten Christmas Carols from Other Lands
TTBB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
Comedy holiday medley of imagined carols from other countries.
Narrator, various solos and ensembles with TTBB backup. Written for Seattle Men’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Forgotten Hanukkah Carols
TTBB
HOLIDAY
Comedy holiday medley of imagined Hanukkah carols – some appropriated from Christmas carols.
Narrator, various solos and ensembles with choral backup. Written for Seattle Men’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Freaks
TTBB
Production number possibility
Middle movement of Beethoven’s 2nd symphony set with lyrics about freak shows. But who are the freaks and who are the normal people? Dark but funny. Soloist narrates throughout song. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Cirque du Slaque.’
Piano accompaniment
The Fundamental
TTBB, SATB, SSA
Production number possibility
A brisk Andrews Sisters-like number that describes the balletic contortions one must go through in order to be a fundamentalist. From the three-person musical ‘The Stops.’
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Garbage
TTBB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
Fun, sexy country/funk song about falling for the wrong sort of guy.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Gay Vs Straight Composers
TTBB and SATB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
This collection of well-known classical themes pits known gay composers against the straight ones. Very funny and actually somewhat instructional. Commissioned by the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available; full orchestration available
Give me a Reel Man
TTBB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
How real are the guys people idolize on the silver screen? This funky song explores the tenuous line between reality and fantasy.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Glee
TTBB and SATB
A cappella song simultaneously celebrating and lampooning glee clubs and the word 'glee.'
This song is published by Shawnee Press; contact your preferred music dealer for copies or visit www.shawneepress.com
Happy Camper (aka 'Resting Bitch Face')
SSA
Written for Sensible Shoes, this song follows a group of 'troubled' teens as they bond at summer camp, learning the power of facial expression. A funny song with a powerful point.
Piano accompaniment
Hark! Calypso Angels Sing!
TTBB and SATB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
Reworking of Hark! The Herald Angels Sing into a fun calypso. Written for Seattle Men’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available; optional trumpet part available.
Heaven and Hell
TTBB
Production number possibility
This song shows the difference between Heaven and Hell, casting each as the qualities and stereotypes represented by various European countries. Subtle and funny. Written for Seattle Men’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Hello, Heterosexuals
TTBB and SATB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
A short 5-character scene introduces the Foundation for Awareness of Heterosexual Persons leads into a ‘hands across America’ kind of song encouraging us all to love heterosexuals, with all their faults and foibles.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
The Homomotion
TTBB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
This song, reminiscent of 'The Locomotion,' offers everyone a chance to ‘learn how cool it is to be gay.’ Choralography is necessary for this one.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
I Do
TTBB SATB and SSAA
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
A bouncy 50s style tune that proclaims the sanctity of unions no matter what the gender.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
I Don’t Like Showtunes
TTBB
Production number possibility
Everything annoying about show tunes put into a song that is, itself, a show tune. Tenor solo with TTBB backups. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘A Pantyline.’
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Into the Fire
SSAA
Haunting piece sung from the viewpoint of Joan of Arc as she ascends the pyre.
Piano accompaniment; optional oboe part available
Invocation
SSAA
Uplifting, fast-moving ballad calling forth positive energies. Can be used in connection with Jane Siberry’s ‘Calling All Angels’ (arrangement available with accepted terms with Ms. Siberry)
Piano accompaniment
I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day
TTBB and SATB
HOLIDAY
New setting of Longfellow’s famous Christmas poem. Sweet jazz chords reminiscent of Vince Guaraldi’s music for the Charlie Brown Christmas Special.
A cappella
I Wish You Pansies
TTBB
Extremely gay-specific
Production number possibility
An all-out Ziegfeld Follies-type number in which pansies are crowned the queen of all flowers. Hilarious and bizarre.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
It’s Over
TTBB
Production number possibility
How do you gently tell the audience that there are no more encores and it’s time to go home? You break up with them, that’s how. This song has become a standard final encore in Captain Smartypants shows.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Jonathan and David (cantata)
TTBB
Gay-specific (entire text taken from Samuel I, Samuel II and several Psalms)
Choral Show
35 minute cantata based on the story of Biblical figures Jonathan and David. The text of this five-movement piece is taken from passages from Samuel, Samuel II and three Psalms (reputably written by King David). Exciting, moving and haunting. Commissioned by the Windy City Gay Chorus.
Spoken narrator, one tenor and two baritone soloists.
Piano, harp, cello, oboe and percussion
Jumble Bells
TTBB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
Jingle Bells in several different styles, including barbershop, pig latin and a 5/4 stomp.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drums available.
The SATB version of ‘Jumble Bells’ is published by Shawnee Press; contact your preferred music dealer for copies or visit www.shawneepress.com.
Kislev Cowboys
TTBB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
The dreidel song gets a cowboy makeover for Hanukkah. The Captain Smartypants version of this fun and funky number has received over 500,000 hits on YouTube.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjNXTQfsL9Y
Lambscapes
TTBB, SATB and SSAA
A seven-mini-movement comedy piece that traces a musicological journey from Gregorian Chant through to contemporary gospel, using ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’ as its framework. Movements are: Gregorian Chant, Handel, Schubert, Verdi, Orff, Sons of the Pioneers and Gospel. Written for Turtle Creek Chorale.
Piano accompaniment; production number possibility.
Movements I-IV of the TTBB and SATB versions of ‘Lambscapes’ are published by Shawnee Press; contact your preferred music dealer for copies or visit www.shawneepress.com.
For TTBB and SATB movements V-VII or for all of the SSAA version of ‘Lambscapes’ contact ELB@ericlanebarnes.com.
The Letter Song
TTBB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
Comic Motown-style song deploring the bad grammar used in a Dear John letter. Baritone soloist, three backup singers plus TTBB backup. From the musical revue ‘Fairy Tales.’
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Listen to the Silence
TTBB
Seven different rhythmic passages stack together creating an interlocking pattern representing the various forms of noise we encounter on a daily basis. The chatter gradually subsides to an etherial aleatoric cluster, portraying a shift in willingness to listen to silence rather than noise.
A cappella
Living a Lie
TTBB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
Written for The Heartaches, of The Heartland Men’s Chorus in Kansas City, MO.
An obviously gay man sings his poor heart out about how nobody knows he’s gay. Funny but dark. .
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Love Quadrangle
TTBB
Production number possibility
Four-part partner song combines four different musical styles (minuet, rhapsody, country, soul) to illustrate the many different kinds of love.
Piano accompaniment
Middle Child
TTBB
Written in classical spiritual style, ‘Middle Child’ extols the virtues of Jan Brady.
A cappella
Minute Classics
TTBB and SATB
Production number possibility
Several classic novels get the 15-second treatment in this rapid-fire late-night TV commercial-style scene with numerous short songs. Lampooned books include Pride and Prejudice, Great Expectations, Little Women, Wuthering Heights, The Inferno and more. ‘Minute Classics’ requires a narrator and a ‘reader’ plus individuals to play various characters from the books with lightning-fast costume transitions. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Eat, Pray, Pant.’
Piano accompaniment
Miss Twinkleton’s School For Sensitive Boys
TTBB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
Lilting 3/4 tune celebrates the joys of Miss Twinkleton and her school for sensitive boys. Can used in conjunction with 'A Night Before Christmas Revisited' or as a stand-alone. Script-to-order available. Written for Seattle Men’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Mister Satan
TTBB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
Written for Captain Smartypants. Lighthearted minor-key sendup of 'Mister Sandman' has the guys willing to do anything to find a boyfriend.
Piano accompaniment
Mormon Boy
TTBB
Gay-specific
Poignant, forward-moving ballad recalling a gay man’s time as a Mormon missionary.
1-3 soloists and TTBB backup. Written for Seattle Men’s Chorus
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Mood Vertigo
TTBB
Production number possibility
A very short soloist laments how much taller everyone else is. Musical take-off on Ellington’s ‘Mood Indigo.’ Baritone soloist with TTBB backups. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Cirque du Slaque.’
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
My Evil Twin
TTBB
In my deepest fantasy, Annie Lennox would sing this haunting song. Poignant and somewhat disturbing, ‘My Evil Twin’ is an exploration of the dark side we often hide from ourselves. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Trousers of Terror.’
Piano accompaniment; bass and drums parts available; optional cello part available.
My Very Educated Mother
TTBB and SSAA
Production number possibility
Lament about Pluto no longer being a planet. This needs to be performed by nine men, each representing a planet. (Larger groups won’t work with this one) From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Air Smarty.’
A cappella
Nevermore
TTBB, SSAA
HALLOWEEN
Production number possibility
Comic mock ballad about being stuck in a horror-writing class where the only thing the instructor wants to teach is 'The Raven.'
Solo with chorus backups.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
The Night Before Christmas Revisited
(co-written with and orchestrated by David Maddux)
TTBB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
18 minute production piece takes the 14 stanzas of the popular Christmas poem and sends them through the musical style gauntlet. Styles include Yale Glee Club, Baroque Oratorio, Surf Rock, Swiss Polka, Horror Film, Techno Pop, Broadway, Grand Opera and others. Written for Seattle Men’s Chorus. (Can be used in conjunction with 'Miss Twinkleton's School for Sensitive Boys')
Piano accompaniment; orchestral parts available
Only Child
TTBB
Written for Captain Smartypants. Hilarious rip-your-heart-out ballad about an only child wondering why he's alone (while pushing everyone away)
Tenor solo with TTBB backups.
Piano accompaniment
Onomatopoeia
TTBB
Fun swing-jive tune describing and explaining what words like ‘boom,’ ‘crash,’ ‘crunch’ and ‘crinkle’ are. Slyly educational. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Cirque du Slaque.’
Baritone solo with TTBB backups.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Old King Cole
TTBB
Gay-specific
In this poignant fast-moving ballad a group of younger men first belittle, then befriend an ancient man at their local gay haunt. Written for the Gay Men's Chorus of Charlotte.
Piano accompaniment
A PC Xmas
TTBB and SATB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
A harried secretary tries to schedule the office Christmas party but finds herself making more and more accommodations for those who don’t celebrate in ‘traditional’ ways. Very fun and funny number. Main narrator (secretary) and choral backup. Written for Seattle Men’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Parade
TTBB and SATB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
A Pride parade musically represented onstage. Fun, funny and uplifting. Written for One Voice Charlotte.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Parking Spot
TTBB
Production number possibility
Very happy 60s psychedelic rock song about finding the perfect parking spot, and the utter joy that ensues.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Prom Night
TTBB
HALLOWEEN
Production possibility
A 40-minute mini musical written in homage to EC Comics' 'Tales From the Crypt' series, 'Prom Night' follows a high school dream date that goes horribly wrong, three years in a row. Linda's date Tom crashes his convertible on the way to prom; Tom dies instantly, but Linda walks away from the wreck, shaken and confused. The following year Linda hopes Tom will arrive at her door to take her to prom; when she hears the doorbell she discovers not Tom but his best friend Scott, who had spent the past year fixing the T-bird so he could take Linda to the prom. They set out and - as fate would have it - Scott crashes the car at the exact same Dead Man's Curve as Tom had the year before. Linda walks away from the wreck. Scott does not. The next year Linda, who has totally lost touch with reality, expects Tom to arrive and take her to the prom. When the doorbell rings, it is Tom and Scott, risen from the dead, to fulfill their mission of taking Linda to the prom. What happens next is ... well, you'll have to see. Includes songs 'Prom Night,' 'The Girl From Saint Benita,' 'Run, Daddy, Run,' 'You're Insane,' 'Tomorrow Never Comes,' 'BOHICA,' 'I Ain't Got No Body,' and 'Who is Haunting Whom?' Cast of 9 (flexible) with multiple gender-flexible roles. Can be paired with a mini-revue of original horror/comedy songs and scenes including 'I'm You're Nightmare,' 'Nevermore,' 'Mister Satan,' 'Three Little Zombie Boys,' 'Drag Queens in the Sky,' 'Always The Bride (of Frankenstein)', 'Whatever Happened to Baby Jan,' 'Thank God It's Friday the 13th' and more.
The Purim Superhero
TTBB
Gay-specific
Choral Show
Production number possibility
Based on the book by Els Kushner, 'The Purim Superhero' tells the story of Nate, who wants to be an alien for Purim, while all the other kids at school want to be superheroes. Sweet, fun, and with a great message (be yourself!) Four songs and script, requiring several performers; some songs might work independently of the show. Performance permission from author Els Kushner/Kar-Ben Publishing must be arranged (but they are super-nice and accessible) Written for the Miami Gay Men's Chorus.
PIano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
The Russians
TTBB
Production number possibility
A popular Russian tune (Midnight in Moscow) gets refitted as a story about a man learning to love Russian authors. Fun, upbeat and slyly educational. From the Captian Smartypants show ‘Eat, Pray, Pant.’
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Saint Nick @ Nite
TTBB and SATB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
Television theme songs re-imagined as Christmas tales. Written for Seattle Men’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Note: Actual TV show themes are not used - each theme in ‘St. Nick @ Nite’ has been rewritten to sound reminiscent of the theme it represents.
Samba Para Mama
TTBB
Gay-specific (although I suppose straight guys could sing it as well)
Jobim-like samba lamenting the fact that we all turn into our mothers.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
The Second Song
TTBB and SATB
Production number possibility
How do you effectively fill that difficult second song slot? By singing a song about how difficult it is to fill the second song slot. Fun and funny.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Secret Santa
TTBB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
He's a mysterious man in a red suit, appearing by night and vanishing by day. 'Skyfall' meets 'Snowfall.'
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Shave and a Haircut
TTBB
Barbershop-style song reminiscing about a time when things were much simpler.
A cappella
She's Gone Away
SSAA
New setting of the classic American folk song with delicious close harmonies.
A cappella
The Shortest Ballad in the World
TTBB and SATB
Clocks in at just under 30 seconds. This tiny ditty has pretty chords in it, which is all you need in a ballad, right?
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
The Shouldn't Be Carols
TTBB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
The Shouldn't Be Carols takes popular Christmas songs and retools them into hilarious 'this is just wrong' carols about zombies caroling door to door, holiday overeating, a sleigh ride gone wrong, gluten/sugar/dairy/fat-free/ holiday desserts, drag queens lost on their way home from the bars ,an all-too PC 'we wish you a merry Christmas' and more. Written for the Gay Men's Chorus of Charlotte, and performed by Captain Smartypants at the GALA Chorus Festival 2016.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Silent Star
SSAA
A song written in the style of an early Hollywood ballad, 'Silent Star' alternates between verses and narration about three stars of silent film: Florence Lawrence, Mary Pickford and Ryan Lingyu.
Piano accompaniment
Snow Day
SATB, SSAA
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
Joyous and fun, this piece follows the adventure of kids in the neighborhood as they enjoy a snowy day off from school. Written for Seattle Women’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Stomp the Halls!
TTBB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
A new version of Deck the Halls which incorporates body percussion, clapping, stomping and a troupe of ‘stompers’ who play all sorts of loud instruments. A true crowd pleaser. Written for Seattle Men’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Stonewall Serenade
TTBB and SATB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
A Lawrence-Welk type song about the day after the Stonewall riots in 1969. Cute and sassy. From the musical revue ‘Fairy Tales.’
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Sunday
TTBB
Contemporary song extolling the virtues of saving one day per week for the one you love.
A cappella
Tell Me a Story
TTBB
Medium tempo gospel-ish piece extolling the virtues of books and how some are meant to be read and loved over and over again. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Eat, Pray, Pant.’
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Thank God It’s Friday the 13th
TTBB
Production number possibility
Disco meets horror films in this send-up of slasher flicks. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Trousers of Terror.’
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available; performance track also available
Third Date Question (aka 'Crazy Cat Lady')
SSAA
Lesbian-specific
Production number possibility
After a third date an important question arises in this hilarious 50's style torch song. Written for Sensible Shoes.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Three Old Friends
TTBB, SATB and SSAA
Production number possibility
Comedy folk song about how so many different kinds of songs use only three chords.
Piano or guitar accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Three Shakespeare Sonnets
TTBB
Production number possibility
Three well-known Shakespeare sonnets (147, 130 and 138) get three different treatments: a bluesy 12/8 belt number, a Cole Porter-like beguine and a rousing Irish Riverdance style. Can be performed separately, but they make a nice set together. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Eat, Pray, Pant.’
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available; optional clarinet part available
Three Songs in the Style of Gilbert and Sullivan
TTBB and SATB
Production number possibility
‘But is it Art?’ ‘The Song of the Chorus’ and ‘The Battle of Art and Will’ were written for the Seattle Lesbian and Gay Chorus updated production of HMS Pinafore. The songs bring up specific questions about the role of the chorus, the nature of the shows in which the songs are placed and the fiery tempers that flared between Sir Arthur Sullivan and Sir W.S. Gilbert.
Piano accompaniment
The Ultimate Broadway Song
Production number possibility
SSAA and TTBB
The song begins with a soloist describing a dream of the ultimate Broadway song - as the dream unfolds everything happens as described, going through several different musical styles. But alas ... it's just a dream. (Or is it?) Hilarious and a whole lot of fun.
Piano accompaniment
Unsung (40-minute choral show)
SSAA
Choral Show
Production number possibility
Seven songs written for seven women who helped shape society. Each song is written in the style of the era from which the woman arose. The Unsung women are Susan B. Anthony, Queen Lili'uokalani, Katherine Johnson, Billie Jean King, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Margaret Cho, and The Most Inspiring Woman We Know (sung to the women in the audience.) Five short 'musical sorbets' connect several of the songs, with quotes from Elizabeth Cady, Fannie Lou Hamer, Harriett Beecher Stowe and Malala Yousafzai. Fun, high-energy, entertaining and educational. Accompanying script available. Can be presented as a whole, or as individual songs. Written for Seattle Women's Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; guitar/banjo, reed, bass and drum parts available.
Waltz for Teddy
TTBB
Production number possibility
This poignant and funny waltz tells us why it is so hard it is to let go of one’s teddy bear. Written for Captain Smartypants.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Water
TTBB, SATB and SSAA
Production number possibility
A comedic PSA about how wasteful plastic water bottles are. Accompanying two-person script. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Air Smarty.’
Piano accompaniment
We Can Do It! (45-minute choral show)
SSAA
Choral Show
Production number possibility
Eight songs and several scenes tell the story of the millions of American women who entered the workforce during World War II and changed the course of history forever. This is a vibrant, tuneful, hopeful, joyous show, with plenty of opportunity for dance and for several actors in your organization to shine. All songs are written in the style of 1940's music until the final song ('The Doors You Opened) which serves as a heartfelt thank-you to everything these courageous and pioneering women did. Written for Seattle Women's Chorus, and presented at the GALA Festival 2016 in Denver, Colorado.
Piano accompaniment; trumpet, reed, bass and drum parts available.
What the Moon Makes Me Do
SSA with alto solo
HALLOWEEN
Production number possibility
What starts out as a love song about the beauty of the moon turns into a werewolf serenade. Written for Sensible Shoes.
Piano accompaniment
When I Look at You
TTBB
Moving 3/4 ballad inviting different generations to consider one another kindly.
Piano accompaniment
When You Meet an Angel
TTBB
Celebrating the life of a loved one who has been lost too early. Beautiful and haunting; ideal for memorial services. From the musical revue ‘Fairy Tales.’
Piano accompaniment; optional cello part available
Women Loving Women
SSAA
A haunting, stirring anthem about the special bond women form one with another. From the choral show 'Vixen Fiction,' (see below) based on the groundbreaking works of lesbian fiction by Ann Bannon. This song stands on its own quite well, or may be used as part of the larger show.
Words by Ann Bannon.
Piano accompaniment
Vixen Fiction (35-minute choral show)
SSAA
Choral Show
Production number possibility
Seven songs and several scenes depict the life of Ann Bannon, groundbreaking lesbian fiction writer, interwoven with her characters from the 'Beebo Brinker Chronicles.' Songs co-written with Brenda David and Ann Bannon. Written for Seattle Women's Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; cello, reed, bass and drum parts available.
Vitamin Q
TTBB
Gay-specific
Fun, snappy number telling the audience that it’s the special ‘Vitamin Q’ that makes shows so entertaining. Great closing number. (The tight harmonies make this best-suited for a smaller ensemble)
A cappella
Your Man
TTBB
Gay-specific
Fun and funky up-tempo song describing the kinds of man one is willing to be for one’s lover. Movie references abound, as do double entendres.
A cappella
TTBB
Production number possibility
A group of friends get called a gay slur when out on the town one night and decide to turn it into an empowering moment. Funky, jaunty, engaging and fun. Written for The Heartaches, of The Heartland Men's Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
The Aluminum Christmas Tree
SATB, SSAA, TTBB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
7-minute mini-musical about an artificial Christmas tree that finally finds love. Sort of a cross between the Charlie Brown Christmas Special and The Velveteen Rabbit, this little piece is warm, poignant and funny.
Narrator, several soloists and costumed characters, choral backup.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Am I Welcome Here?
TTBB, SATB
HOLIDAY
Gay-specific (more 'gay overtones-specific')
Poignant ballad about walking past a church on Christmas Eve and wondering if the church is a welcoming congregation. Written for Seattle Men’s Chorus and Cincinnati Gay Men’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; cello and oboe parts available
The Angels Sing
TTBB, SATB, SSAA
HOLIDAY
A gentle choral anthem inviting angels to sing, incorporating the Latin text for the ‘Gloria.’
Piano accompaniment; cello part available
Available
TTBB, SSAA
Production number possibility
Comic rock ballad about falling in love with the absolutely wrong person.
Solo with chorus backups.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
The Ballad of Tammy Brown
SSA
A touching ballad about remembering a 7th grade friendship. Bittersweet and haunting.
From the musical revue ‘Fairy Tales.’
Alto/mezzo solo with SSA back-ups.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drums available
Behind the Carols
TTBB, SATB
HOLIDAY
Choral Show
Production number possibility
12 minute mini-musical parodying VH1’s Behind the Music. BTC chronicles the rise and fall (and rise again) of Suzy Snowflake. Songs include Winter Wedding, Crazy Suzy, Fallen Snow, The Twelve Steps of Christmas and That’s Suzy! Parts for several characters (Narrator, Suzy, Jack Frost, Rudolph) plus three bit players. Through-composed with script and underscoring. Written for Seattle Men’s Chorus and New York City Gay Men’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Bells, Bells, Bells
SSAA
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
Four different kinds of bells ring through this holiday piece. Funny, melodic and uplifting. Written for Seattle Women's Chorus.
Four soloists plus chorus; piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Bittersweet Tango
TTBB, SATB, SSA
Production number possibility
Fun, comedic tango demonstrating that chocolate is the reason for living.
Appropriate for holiday use but not holiday-specific.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Black Christmas
TTBB
HOLIDAY
Fun and uplifting gospel-style song asking the question: where are the African-American holiday characters? Short introductory script sets up the song. Requires 2-6 good African-American soloists. From the musical show ‘The Holiday Stops.’ Choral version written for Seattle Men’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Bolly Jolly Holiday
(orchestrated by David Maddux)
TTBB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
Exuberantly fun Bollywood-style song inviting the audience to dance and sing ‘the Bollywood way.’ Accompaniment track orchestrated with instruments used in actual Bollywood film soundtracks.
Track accompaniment; (authentic Indian dance highly recommended)
Boogie Woogie Hanukkah
TTBB, SATB, SSA
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
Fun, up-tempo boogie-woogie that asks the question: why do all Hanukkah songs sound so sad?
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Border Affair
TTBB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
A young man in Texas falls in love with a young man from across the border. An update of an old cowboy song with a fun twist. Baritone soloist, TBB trio and TTBB backups.
Piano or guitar accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Boys Like Me
TTB
Gay-specific
A lively round expressing while guys are all different, ‘boys like me like boys like me.’ Accompanying campfire chant/script sets up the song. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Camp Smarty.’
A cappella.
Bridesmaids
SSAA
Lesbian-specific
Production number possibility
Bridesmaids sing about how it is the right and fitting thing to do to help their college friend celebrate her wedding day by flanking her in unsightly dresses. But things are not as they seem… Set to the Pachelbel Canon in D major, ‘Bridesmaids’ is a funny send-up of wedding ceremonies.
Piano accompaniment.
The Caffeine Overload Polka
TTBB, SATB and SSAA
Production number possibility
Hyper-fast comedy song describing the lengths we go to for our coffee, and the results coffee has on us.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Carmina Ricotta
TTBB, SATB, SSAA
Production number possibility
If we all could be more like the cheeses of the world, we would learn to get along. Very tongue-in-cheek grand number that has had many audiences howling. Commissioned by Heartland Men’s Chorus, Joe Nadeau, artistic director.
Three soloists (two tenors, one baritone) plus copious chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Christmas Cheer
TTBB, SATB, SAB and 2-Part
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
Christmas is reimagined as a team, and pitted against other ‘teams’ in this rousing fight-song-inspired song.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
‘Christmas Cheer’ is published by Shawnee Press. contact your preferred music dealer for copies or visit www.shawneepress.com.
Christmas in the Cloister/Convent
TTBB and SSAA
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
A monastery (or convent) celebrates Christmas Even in 1497 with plainsong. Fun, dry and funny tongue-in-cheek number.
A cappella
Come Dance with Me
TTBB, SATB
Multi-layered up-tempo a cappella song expressing joy in singing together.
Hand percussion (shaker, conga) available
Come On Out
Gay-specific
TTBB, SATB, SSA
Short, lively number inviting everyone to come out of the closet.
Piano accompaniment
Dearly Beloved
TTBB
A dark, brooding song depicting the funeral of God. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Cirque du Slaque.’
Tenor solo with TTBB backups.
Piano accompaniment
Disclaimer
TTBB
Production number possibility
In order to keep audience members from fearing objectionable material, sing this for them first. It replaces all potentially offensive words with sound effects. Very tongue in cheek. Written for The Gay Men’s Chorus of Charlotte
Piano accompaniment with hand-held sound effects; bass and drum parts available
Don't Knock It
TTBB
Production number possibility
A jaunty minor-key song celebrating the various accomplishments of LGBT folk over the past few years. Written to be accompanied by a group of people doing 'knock-ography' on a wooden table downstage (after the style of 'Up and Over It' famous video)
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Drag Queens in the Sky
TTBB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
Fun cowboy song in the style of ‘Ghost Riders in the Sky’
Three drag queen solos with main body of the song TTBB. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Camp Smarty.’
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Der Erlkönig
SSA (with SSA trio/small ensemble)
HALLOWEEN
The Franz Schubert song takes off galloping and never lets go until the chilling end. Perfect for a Halloween show, or as part of a classics concert.
Piano accompaniment; string quartet parts available
Don’t Forget to Wear Your Rubbers
TTBB
Production number possibility
30’s movie musical number-style PSA about how to protect oneself in these trying times. Double entendres galore, yet still tasteful.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Drama Queen
TTBB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
Comedy song showing how so many of us are complete drama queens.
Various solos throughout song.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Du Bist Die Ruh'
TTBB, SATB and SSA
Simple and elegant setting of one of Franz Schubert’s sweetest songs. In German.
Piano accompaniment
Ebenezer the Miser
TTBB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
Take-off on Cab Calloway’s ‘Minnie the Moocher’ with ‘A Christmas Carol’ twist.
Solo and trio (the three ghosts) with choral backup.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drums available
Everybody Loves a Clown
TTBB
Production number possibility
What does a clown (or a group of clowns) do when they don't want to be funny any more? Baritone solo with choral backups. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Cirque du Slaque.’
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
The Feminist Carol Songbook
SSAA
HOLIDAY
Lesbian-specific/friendly
Production number possibility
A medley of new takes on holiday songs includes ‘Goddess Rest Ye Merry Women,’ ‘The Powerful Drumming Woman,’ ‘Carol the Ancient Yuletide Troll’ and ‘Women’s Winterland.’ Written for Seattle Women’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drums available
For the Straight Guys
TTBB
Gay-specific
A sweet/poignant/funny song sung directly to the straight guys in your audience.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drums available
Forgotten Christmas Carols from Other Lands
TTBB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
Comedy holiday medley of imagined carols from other countries.
Narrator, various solos and ensembles with TTBB backup. Written for Seattle Men’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Forgotten Hanukkah Carols
TTBB
HOLIDAY
Comedy holiday medley of imagined Hanukkah carols – some appropriated from Christmas carols.
Narrator, various solos and ensembles with choral backup. Written for Seattle Men’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Freaks
TTBB
Production number possibility
Middle movement of Beethoven’s 2nd symphony set with lyrics about freak shows. But who are the freaks and who are the normal people? Dark but funny. Soloist narrates throughout song. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Cirque du Slaque.’
Piano accompaniment
The Fundamental
TTBB, SATB, SSA
Production number possibility
A brisk Andrews Sisters-like number that describes the balletic contortions one must go through in order to be a fundamentalist. From the three-person musical ‘The Stops.’
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Garbage
TTBB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
Fun, sexy country/funk song about falling for the wrong sort of guy.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Gay Vs Straight Composers
TTBB and SATB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
This collection of well-known classical themes pits known gay composers against the straight ones. Very funny and actually somewhat instructional. Commissioned by the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available; full orchestration available
Give me a Reel Man
TTBB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
How real are the guys people idolize on the silver screen? This funky song explores the tenuous line between reality and fantasy.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Glee
TTBB and SATB
A cappella song simultaneously celebrating and lampooning glee clubs and the word 'glee.'
This song is published by Shawnee Press; contact your preferred music dealer for copies or visit www.shawneepress.com
Happy Camper (aka 'Resting Bitch Face')
SSA
Written for Sensible Shoes, this song follows a group of 'troubled' teens as they bond at summer camp, learning the power of facial expression. A funny song with a powerful point.
Piano accompaniment
Hark! Calypso Angels Sing!
TTBB and SATB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
Reworking of Hark! The Herald Angels Sing into a fun calypso. Written for Seattle Men’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available; optional trumpet part available.
Heaven and Hell
TTBB
Production number possibility
This song shows the difference between Heaven and Hell, casting each as the qualities and stereotypes represented by various European countries. Subtle and funny. Written for Seattle Men’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Hello, Heterosexuals
TTBB and SATB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
A short 5-character scene introduces the Foundation for Awareness of Heterosexual Persons leads into a ‘hands across America’ kind of song encouraging us all to love heterosexuals, with all their faults and foibles.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
The Homomotion
TTBB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
This song, reminiscent of 'The Locomotion,' offers everyone a chance to ‘learn how cool it is to be gay.’ Choralography is necessary for this one.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
I Do
TTBB SATB and SSAA
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
A bouncy 50s style tune that proclaims the sanctity of unions no matter what the gender.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
I Don’t Like Showtunes
TTBB
Production number possibility
Everything annoying about show tunes put into a song that is, itself, a show tune. Tenor solo with TTBB backups. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘A Pantyline.’
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Into the Fire
SSAA
Haunting piece sung from the viewpoint of Joan of Arc as she ascends the pyre.
Piano accompaniment; optional oboe part available
Invocation
SSAA
Uplifting, fast-moving ballad calling forth positive energies. Can be used in connection with Jane Siberry’s ‘Calling All Angels’ (arrangement available with accepted terms with Ms. Siberry)
Piano accompaniment
I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day
TTBB and SATB
HOLIDAY
New setting of Longfellow’s famous Christmas poem. Sweet jazz chords reminiscent of Vince Guaraldi’s music for the Charlie Brown Christmas Special.
A cappella
I Wish You Pansies
TTBB
Extremely gay-specific
Production number possibility
An all-out Ziegfeld Follies-type number in which pansies are crowned the queen of all flowers. Hilarious and bizarre.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
It’s Over
TTBB
Production number possibility
How do you gently tell the audience that there are no more encores and it’s time to go home? You break up with them, that’s how. This song has become a standard final encore in Captain Smartypants shows.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Jonathan and David (cantata)
TTBB
Gay-specific (entire text taken from Samuel I, Samuel II and several Psalms)
Choral Show
35 minute cantata based on the story of Biblical figures Jonathan and David. The text of this five-movement piece is taken from passages from Samuel, Samuel II and three Psalms (reputably written by King David). Exciting, moving and haunting. Commissioned by the Windy City Gay Chorus.
Spoken narrator, one tenor and two baritone soloists.
Piano, harp, cello, oboe and percussion
Jumble Bells
TTBB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
Jingle Bells in several different styles, including barbershop, pig latin and a 5/4 stomp.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drums available.
The SATB version of ‘Jumble Bells’ is published by Shawnee Press; contact your preferred music dealer for copies or visit www.shawneepress.com.
Kislev Cowboys
TTBB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
The dreidel song gets a cowboy makeover for Hanukkah. The Captain Smartypants version of this fun and funky number has received over 500,000 hits on YouTube.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjNXTQfsL9Y
Lambscapes
TTBB, SATB and SSAA
A seven-mini-movement comedy piece that traces a musicological journey from Gregorian Chant through to contemporary gospel, using ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’ as its framework. Movements are: Gregorian Chant, Handel, Schubert, Verdi, Orff, Sons of the Pioneers and Gospel. Written for Turtle Creek Chorale.
Piano accompaniment; production number possibility.
Movements I-IV of the TTBB and SATB versions of ‘Lambscapes’ are published by Shawnee Press; contact your preferred music dealer for copies or visit www.shawneepress.com.
For TTBB and SATB movements V-VII or for all of the SSAA version of ‘Lambscapes’ contact ELB@ericlanebarnes.com.
The Letter Song
TTBB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
Comic Motown-style song deploring the bad grammar used in a Dear John letter. Baritone soloist, three backup singers plus TTBB backup. From the musical revue ‘Fairy Tales.’
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Listen to the Silence
TTBB
Seven different rhythmic passages stack together creating an interlocking pattern representing the various forms of noise we encounter on a daily basis. The chatter gradually subsides to an etherial aleatoric cluster, portraying a shift in willingness to listen to silence rather than noise.
A cappella
Living a Lie
TTBB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
Written for The Heartaches, of The Heartland Men’s Chorus in Kansas City, MO.
An obviously gay man sings his poor heart out about how nobody knows he’s gay. Funny but dark. .
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Love Quadrangle
TTBB
Production number possibility
Four-part partner song combines four different musical styles (minuet, rhapsody, country, soul) to illustrate the many different kinds of love.
Piano accompaniment
Middle Child
TTBB
Written in classical spiritual style, ‘Middle Child’ extols the virtues of Jan Brady.
A cappella
Minute Classics
TTBB and SATB
Production number possibility
Several classic novels get the 15-second treatment in this rapid-fire late-night TV commercial-style scene with numerous short songs. Lampooned books include Pride and Prejudice, Great Expectations, Little Women, Wuthering Heights, The Inferno and more. ‘Minute Classics’ requires a narrator and a ‘reader’ plus individuals to play various characters from the books with lightning-fast costume transitions. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Eat, Pray, Pant.’
Piano accompaniment
Miss Twinkleton’s School For Sensitive Boys
TTBB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
Lilting 3/4 tune celebrates the joys of Miss Twinkleton and her school for sensitive boys. Can used in conjunction with 'A Night Before Christmas Revisited' or as a stand-alone. Script-to-order available. Written for Seattle Men’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Mister Satan
TTBB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
Written for Captain Smartypants. Lighthearted minor-key sendup of 'Mister Sandman' has the guys willing to do anything to find a boyfriend.
Piano accompaniment
Mormon Boy
TTBB
Gay-specific
Poignant, forward-moving ballad recalling a gay man’s time as a Mormon missionary.
1-3 soloists and TTBB backup. Written for Seattle Men’s Chorus
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Mood Vertigo
TTBB
Production number possibility
A very short soloist laments how much taller everyone else is. Musical take-off on Ellington’s ‘Mood Indigo.’ Baritone soloist with TTBB backups. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Cirque du Slaque.’
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
My Evil Twin
TTBB
In my deepest fantasy, Annie Lennox would sing this haunting song. Poignant and somewhat disturbing, ‘My Evil Twin’ is an exploration of the dark side we often hide from ourselves. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Trousers of Terror.’
Piano accompaniment; bass and drums parts available; optional cello part available.
My Very Educated Mother
TTBB and SSAA
Production number possibility
Lament about Pluto no longer being a planet. This needs to be performed by nine men, each representing a planet. (Larger groups won’t work with this one) From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Air Smarty.’
A cappella
Nevermore
TTBB, SSAA
HALLOWEEN
Production number possibility
Comic mock ballad about being stuck in a horror-writing class where the only thing the instructor wants to teach is 'The Raven.'
Solo with chorus backups.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
The Night Before Christmas Revisited
(co-written with and orchestrated by David Maddux)
TTBB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
18 minute production piece takes the 14 stanzas of the popular Christmas poem and sends them through the musical style gauntlet. Styles include Yale Glee Club, Baroque Oratorio, Surf Rock, Swiss Polka, Horror Film, Techno Pop, Broadway, Grand Opera and others. Written for Seattle Men’s Chorus. (Can be used in conjunction with 'Miss Twinkleton's School for Sensitive Boys')
Piano accompaniment; orchestral parts available
Only Child
TTBB
Written for Captain Smartypants. Hilarious rip-your-heart-out ballad about an only child wondering why he's alone (while pushing everyone away)
Tenor solo with TTBB backups.
Piano accompaniment
Onomatopoeia
TTBB
Fun swing-jive tune describing and explaining what words like ‘boom,’ ‘crash,’ ‘crunch’ and ‘crinkle’ are. Slyly educational. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Cirque du Slaque.’
Baritone solo with TTBB backups.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Old King Cole
TTBB
Gay-specific
In this poignant fast-moving ballad a group of younger men first belittle, then befriend an ancient man at their local gay haunt. Written for the Gay Men's Chorus of Charlotte.
Piano accompaniment
A PC Xmas
TTBB and SATB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
A harried secretary tries to schedule the office Christmas party but finds herself making more and more accommodations for those who don’t celebrate in ‘traditional’ ways. Very fun and funny number. Main narrator (secretary) and choral backup. Written for Seattle Men’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Parade
TTBB and SATB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
A Pride parade musically represented onstage. Fun, funny and uplifting. Written for One Voice Charlotte.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Parking Spot
TTBB
Production number possibility
Very happy 60s psychedelic rock song about finding the perfect parking spot, and the utter joy that ensues.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Prom Night
TTBB
HALLOWEEN
Production possibility
A 40-minute mini musical written in homage to EC Comics' 'Tales From the Crypt' series, 'Prom Night' follows a high school dream date that goes horribly wrong, three years in a row. Linda's date Tom crashes his convertible on the way to prom; Tom dies instantly, but Linda walks away from the wreck, shaken and confused. The following year Linda hopes Tom will arrive at her door to take her to prom; when she hears the doorbell she discovers not Tom but his best friend Scott, who had spent the past year fixing the T-bird so he could take Linda to the prom. They set out and - as fate would have it - Scott crashes the car at the exact same Dead Man's Curve as Tom had the year before. Linda walks away from the wreck. Scott does not. The next year Linda, who has totally lost touch with reality, expects Tom to arrive and take her to the prom. When the doorbell rings, it is Tom and Scott, risen from the dead, to fulfill their mission of taking Linda to the prom. What happens next is ... well, you'll have to see. Includes songs 'Prom Night,' 'The Girl From Saint Benita,' 'Run, Daddy, Run,' 'You're Insane,' 'Tomorrow Never Comes,' 'BOHICA,' 'I Ain't Got No Body,' and 'Who is Haunting Whom?' Cast of 9 (flexible) with multiple gender-flexible roles. Can be paired with a mini-revue of original horror/comedy songs and scenes including 'I'm You're Nightmare,' 'Nevermore,' 'Mister Satan,' 'Three Little Zombie Boys,' 'Drag Queens in the Sky,' 'Always The Bride (of Frankenstein)', 'Whatever Happened to Baby Jan,' 'Thank God It's Friday the 13th' and more.
The Purim Superhero
TTBB
Gay-specific
Choral Show
Production number possibility
Based on the book by Els Kushner, 'The Purim Superhero' tells the story of Nate, who wants to be an alien for Purim, while all the other kids at school want to be superheroes. Sweet, fun, and with a great message (be yourself!) Four songs and script, requiring several performers; some songs might work independently of the show. Performance permission from author Els Kushner/Kar-Ben Publishing must be arranged (but they are super-nice and accessible) Written for the Miami Gay Men's Chorus.
PIano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
The Russians
TTBB
Production number possibility
A popular Russian tune (Midnight in Moscow) gets refitted as a story about a man learning to love Russian authors. Fun, upbeat and slyly educational. From the Captian Smartypants show ‘Eat, Pray, Pant.’
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Saint Nick @ Nite
TTBB and SATB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
Television theme songs re-imagined as Christmas tales. Written for Seattle Men’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Note: Actual TV show themes are not used - each theme in ‘St. Nick @ Nite’ has been rewritten to sound reminiscent of the theme it represents.
Samba Para Mama
TTBB
Gay-specific (although I suppose straight guys could sing it as well)
Jobim-like samba lamenting the fact that we all turn into our mothers.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
The Second Song
TTBB and SATB
Production number possibility
How do you effectively fill that difficult second song slot? By singing a song about how difficult it is to fill the second song slot. Fun and funny.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Secret Santa
TTBB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
He's a mysterious man in a red suit, appearing by night and vanishing by day. 'Skyfall' meets 'Snowfall.'
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Shave and a Haircut
TTBB
Barbershop-style song reminiscing about a time when things were much simpler.
A cappella
She's Gone Away
SSAA
New setting of the classic American folk song with delicious close harmonies.
A cappella
The Shortest Ballad in the World
TTBB and SATB
Clocks in at just under 30 seconds. This tiny ditty has pretty chords in it, which is all you need in a ballad, right?
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
The Shouldn't Be Carols
TTBB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
The Shouldn't Be Carols takes popular Christmas songs and retools them into hilarious 'this is just wrong' carols about zombies caroling door to door, holiday overeating, a sleigh ride gone wrong, gluten/sugar/dairy/fat-free/ holiday desserts, drag queens lost on their way home from the bars ,an all-too PC 'we wish you a merry Christmas' and more. Written for the Gay Men's Chorus of Charlotte, and performed by Captain Smartypants at the GALA Chorus Festival 2016.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Silent Star
SSAA
A song written in the style of an early Hollywood ballad, 'Silent Star' alternates between verses and narration about three stars of silent film: Florence Lawrence, Mary Pickford and Ryan Lingyu.
Piano accompaniment
Snow Day
SATB, SSAA
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
Joyous and fun, this piece follows the adventure of kids in the neighborhood as they enjoy a snowy day off from school. Written for Seattle Women’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Stomp the Halls!
TTBB
HOLIDAY
Production number possibility
A new version of Deck the Halls which incorporates body percussion, clapping, stomping and a troupe of ‘stompers’ who play all sorts of loud instruments. A true crowd pleaser. Written for Seattle Men’s Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Stonewall Serenade
TTBB and SATB
Gay-specific
Production number possibility
A Lawrence-Welk type song about the day after the Stonewall riots in 1969. Cute and sassy. From the musical revue ‘Fairy Tales.’
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Sunday
TTBB
Contemporary song extolling the virtues of saving one day per week for the one you love.
A cappella
Tell Me a Story
TTBB
Medium tempo gospel-ish piece extolling the virtues of books and how some are meant to be read and loved over and over again. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Eat, Pray, Pant.’
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Thank God It’s Friday the 13th
TTBB
Production number possibility
Disco meets horror films in this send-up of slasher flicks. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Trousers of Terror.’
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available; performance track also available
Third Date Question (aka 'Crazy Cat Lady')
SSAA
Lesbian-specific
Production number possibility
After a third date an important question arises in this hilarious 50's style torch song. Written for Sensible Shoes.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Three Old Friends
TTBB, SATB and SSAA
Production number possibility
Comedy folk song about how so many different kinds of songs use only three chords.
Piano or guitar accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Three Shakespeare Sonnets
TTBB
Production number possibility
Three well-known Shakespeare sonnets (147, 130 and 138) get three different treatments: a bluesy 12/8 belt number, a Cole Porter-like beguine and a rousing Irish Riverdance style. Can be performed separately, but they make a nice set together. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Eat, Pray, Pant.’
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available; optional clarinet part available
Three Songs in the Style of Gilbert and Sullivan
TTBB and SATB
Production number possibility
‘But is it Art?’ ‘The Song of the Chorus’ and ‘The Battle of Art and Will’ were written for the Seattle Lesbian and Gay Chorus updated production of HMS Pinafore. The songs bring up specific questions about the role of the chorus, the nature of the shows in which the songs are placed and the fiery tempers that flared between Sir Arthur Sullivan and Sir W.S. Gilbert.
Piano accompaniment
The Ultimate Broadway Song
Production number possibility
SSAA and TTBB
The song begins with a soloist describing a dream of the ultimate Broadway song - as the dream unfolds everything happens as described, going through several different musical styles. But alas ... it's just a dream. (Or is it?) Hilarious and a whole lot of fun.
Piano accompaniment
Unsung (40-minute choral show)
SSAA
Choral Show
Production number possibility
Seven songs written for seven women who helped shape society. Each song is written in the style of the era from which the woman arose. The Unsung women are Susan B. Anthony, Queen Lili'uokalani, Katherine Johnson, Billie Jean King, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Margaret Cho, and The Most Inspiring Woman We Know (sung to the women in the audience.) Five short 'musical sorbets' connect several of the songs, with quotes from Elizabeth Cady, Fannie Lou Hamer, Harriett Beecher Stowe and Malala Yousafzai. Fun, high-energy, entertaining and educational. Accompanying script available. Can be presented as a whole, or as individual songs. Written for Seattle Women's Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; guitar/banjo, reed, bass and drum parts available.
Waltz for Teddy
TTBB
Production number possibility
This poignant and funny waltz tells us why it is so hard it is to let go of one’s teddy bear. Written for Captain Smartypants.
Piano accompaniment; bass and drum parts available
Water
TTBB, SATB and SSAA
Production number possibility
A comedic PSA about how wasteful plastic water bottles are. Accompanying two-person script. From the Captain Smartypants show ‘Air Smarty.’
Piano accompaniment
We Can Do It! (45-minute choral show)
SSAA
Choral Show
Production number possibility
Eight songs and several scenes tell the story of the millions of American women who entered the workforce during World War II and changed the course of history forever. This is a vibrant, tuneful, hopeful, joyous show, with plenty of opportunity for dance and for several actors in your organization to shine. All songs are written in the style of 1940's music until the final song ('The Doors You Opened) which serves as a heartfelt thank-you to everything these courageous and pioneering women did. Written for Seattle Women's Chorus, and presented at the GALA Festival 2016 in Denver, Colorado.
Piano accompaniment; trumpet, reed, bass and drum parts available.
What the Moon Makes Me Do
SSA with alto solo
HALLOWEEN
Production number possibility
What starts out as a love song about the beauty of the moon turns into a werewolf serenade. Written for Sensible Shoes.
Piano accompaniment
When I Look at You
TTBB
Moving 3/4 ballad inviting different generations to consider one another kindly.
Piano accompaniment
When You Meet an Angel
TTBB
Celebrating the life of a loved one who has been lost too early. Beautiful and haunting; ideal for memorial services. From the musical revue ‘Fairy Tales.’
Piano accompaniment; optional cello part available
Women Loving Women
SSAA
A haunting, stirring anthem about the special bond women form one with another. From the choral show 'Vixen Fiction,' (see below) based on the groundbreaking works of lesbian fiction by Ann Bannon. This song stands on its own quite well, or may be used as part of the larger show.
Words by Ann Bannon.
Piano accompaniment
Vixen Fiction (35-minute choral show)
SSAA
Choral Show
Production number possibility
Seven songs and several scenes depict the life of Ann Bannon, groundbreaking lesbian fiction writer, interwoven with her characters from the 'Beebo Brinker Chronicles.' Songs co-written with Brenda David and Ann Bannon. Written for Seattle Women's Chorus.
Piano accompaniment; cello, reed, bass and drum parts available.
Vitamin Q
TTBB
Gay-specific
Fun, snappy number telling the audience that it’s the special ‘Vitamin Q’ that makes shows so entertaining. Great closing number. (The tight harmonies make this best-suited for a smaller ensemble)
A cappella
Your Man
TTBB
Gay-specific
Fun and funky up-tempo song describing the kinds of man one is willing to be for one’s lover. Movie references abound, as do double entendres.
A cappella